The negative self-talk loop is unrelenting. Most days, I can’t catch a break. Some days, I remember to employ strategies learned in therapy to negate and disprove negative thoughts, but lately, even that has only added to the stream of negativity that flows freely through my mind.
At the root of all these thoughts: I am not enough.
* I am not strong/smart/worthy enough. *
Insert whatever adjective you want. If it is a positive attribute, I certainly don’t believe I have it.
My mind can be a dark, evil place. I can convince myself that I do not deserve good things in my life, that at any moment, someone – some non-existing authority – will show up at my front door and tear me from my life, sentencing me to a life of isolation for daring to think I deserved the good fortune and beautiful family I currently enjoy.
I have amazing cheerleaders in my life.
I have an astute husband who can pick up on the tiniest hint and know where my head is. I have loving friends who remind me that I am, in fact, a good mother. And I have beautiful children who love me unconditionally, whose faces light up when I walk into a room, and whose smiles can wash away the constant angst tearing at my soul.
The problem doesn’t lie in the supportive, caring people I’m surrounded by. The problem lies in my belief in myself. The problem is that I don’t believe I deserve such good people in my life. The problem is that I don’t believe I am a good mama, or a smart, successful woman.
Even after years spent healing old wounds and releasing negative messaging embedded in my memories, I still have days where the negative self-talk consumes me.
Healing is a process. It’s a journey. Some days are easier than others.
I’m not sharing this to garner support, love, or words of kindness and strength. I share this because I know that most of us are fighting demons no one else can see. On the outside, most of us look like we have it all together, but when no one is looking, we are secretly tearing ourselves apart.
I’m sharing this to tell you that you are not alone. You are not your negative thoughts. You are enough. In whatever stage of life you are in right now, you are enough.
I am enough.
?? What’s on your negative self-talk loop? What is the origin of those thoughts? ??
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