I thought that as the years went by, it would get easier. I mistakenly thought that today would just be another day. When Tyler asked me yesterday how I was doing, knowing your birthday was today, I shrugged, said I felt fine.
Today would have been your 37th birthday. This afternoon, like every year on your birthday, I would be calling you to wish you a happy birthday. We’d laugh and reminisce about the birthday we spent in France together which would inevitably lead into talk about how nerdy I was as a kid. And then we would promise to see each other more often, and like we did on your 35th birthday, we would start making plans to go to a yoga retreat together in Asheville.
I won’t get to do that this year. Just as I didn’t last year.
I honestly thought this would get easier …
I wasn’t expecting to find myself aching with a deep desire to hear your voice. I wasn’t expecting to be fighting back tears, wanting so desperately to turn back time, to rebuild our relationship before it was too late.
I miss you every day.
I see you in the cardinals that live in the trees overlooking my yard. I feel you around me when P!nk starts playing on the radio. And I know you’re watching over me every time I spy 1:11 or 11:11 on the clock.
I know you are here. I know you are watching over me.
You continue to inspire me to keep moving forward, to keep learning about myself and to keep growing. Every day, I dig a little deeper and take another step forward. My journey never would have started if it weren’t for our last phone conversation, and for that, I will be forever grateful.
I am where I am today because you challenged me to take the first step.
I miss you. And I love you.
Happy 37th Birthday, cuz.
Until we meet again,
Letter to the Reader:
For those of you who didn’t know Danielle Alicia, she was a force to be reckoned with. I chose the video below (follow link) because it captures who she was in a short 40 seconds. When you hung out with Danielle, you could expect to be inundated with the energy she shows here. Carefree, not giving a f*ck what anyone thought about her. She was free. She was life. She was taken from us too soon, and I will miss her every day.
In honor of her 37th birthday, please subscribe to the blog – a site that only came to fruition because of her insistence. Because of her, I am months away from achieving my dream of becoming a published writer, and by subscribing to the blog, you’re supporting my goals.
Thanks for following