Anxiety, Video

Am I a Vlogger?

What the heck is a vlogger? And why do I want to be one? I don’t. Really. But, here we are.

I am taking a course with the creators of It’s A Lovely Life, Pete and Heather. The assignment for Day 3 of Start a Money Making Blog course is to post a video blog. When I read the assignment instructions this morning, it was immediate panic. I felt it in my throat, my chest, my stomach. My palms were sweaty and I immediately said NOPE, and shut my computer screen. No way was I going to get in front of the camera and post a video of myself on social media. Hell, I don’t even like posting personal pictures or messages on Facebook. If I had a dollar for every time I wrote a post on Facebook and then deleted it, I wouldn’t have to work another day in my life.

I told Tyler about today’s assignment and how I decided I wasn’t going to do it.

“I don’t need to be a ‘vlogger’,” I complained. “This is not necessary for my blog. I have no desire to go that route.”

And just as Pete and Heather said in the assignment instructions, Tyler came back with, “if you want to grow and change yourself, you have to be willing to be uncomfortable.”

There was some serious eye-rolling.

Because seriously, I am so much more comfortable with my words when they are on paper. When I can write, rewrite, read, scratch out, re-edit, throw it all away, and write something new. When I have to speak, whatever I say is out there. I can’t take it back.

I should probably note that this is take 4,000. Apparently you can stop recording and re-record if you aren’t satisfied. Who knew.

After that brief exchange with Tyler, I gave the concept some thought. I thought about why I was so opposed to making a video.  And I realized it was my anxiety. I had anxiety about the whole situation. And then I laughed. Because, hello, I blog about life with anxiety. So how the hell am I going to walk away from an assignment that is so outside of my comfort zone and so against everything that I do that I feel keeps me in a little protective bubble, safe from any judgment or harm. I realized that I HAD to do this assignment, and suddenly I couldn’t wait to get in front of the camera.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy. I ended up having to write the video first, then record it. It may sound like I’m reading right now, because, yeah, I am. It’s the only way I could do it. I tried numerous times to do it naturally, to fly by the seat of my pants and just say what came to my mind. Unfortunately, it just wasn’t working, and instead of getting frustrated with myself, I decided I needed to script it. It’s day 1 of video blogging – vlogging, if you will. And so I had to cut myself some slack.

And so, drumroll please … Here is my first video blog. Perhaps I am officially a vlogger 🙄

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